How Will I Know?

If he really loves me? I dunno, Whitney, why don't you ask Foreigner to set it straight and figure out what the hell love is before you find out if that's what he's feeling.

I digress...social networking has been the downfall of dating and crushin' as we know it. The infinite variables that the internet adds to relationships will send any Girl over the edge trying to figure out what Boy's meaning is behind every "like", comment and status update.

How do you know? My advice: the same it's always been. Don't wait around to find out. If he really likes you, he will make it known. Boy will go after Girl. If that isn't enough for you, option B is GO AFTER HIM. Stop fucking around. Girl needs to grow some metaphorical balls and be the man, cause if he hasn't buttered the bacon*, clearly Girl will have to man up and be the pants in the relationship.

To conclude: Whitney Houston got a few things right. The pitter patter of your heart, the nervousness, the drunken dancing..oh wait, wrong song... LOVE IS BITTERSWEET. It involves risk. Is he worth it? Ask yourself and you might find the answer you were looking for all along.

*Butter the bacon is an awesome phrase that makes absolutely no sense. Let's say it more often.

The Metaphor of the Fish

Girl has been liked -- I say liked because love is such a strong word -- by a few gentlemen. For some reason or another though, the guy likes Girl, and she reels him in, only instead of cleaning the fish, gutting it, and making a delicious meal, she throws it back out into the water. I don't know what Girl's problem is because afterward she just feels terrible. She misses the fish, reminisces about her time spent with the fish, and wonders what the fish is doing now...if it got caught by someone else and made a delicious meal without her. Girl never knew what it tasted like -- She never knew what it could be.

Girl likes to think that she's grown. She recognized her issue and made some changes, so that this time around things will be different. But, sitting around waiting for another fish to bite is tiresome and lonely. It's easy to get distracted and think about the old fish, instead of the new ones that await in the untested waters.

....wait, am I comparing Men to Fish? I guess the age old expression, "There's always more fish in the sea" is more revealing than I ever imagined. Because you do catch a fish just like a lover. Sometimes they don't stay on the hook long enough for you to get them, and sometimes you get as far as cleaning it only to find it wasn't the fish you thought it was...and you could never make a meal with it.

Isn't that all this is about? Making something special with someone else?

After all that Girl has been through, it better be one five star, award-winning catch.

(Ps. Let's not get into the symbolism of the Pole. Or should we?)

My Dearest Andy knew it best: